Tongqi (同妻)

A tongqi — literally “wife of a tongzhi” — is a heterosexual woman married, without her knowledge, to a gay man. Many discover the truth only years into the marriage, and the injury is double: the betrayal itself, plus years of unexplained emotional and physical distance. The word was coined in Chinese online communities and has since entered journalism and academic research.

What it names is structural, not a character flaw of any group: under intense marriage pressure and stigma, some closeted gay men use a heterosexual marriage as cover — and the cost lands on a woman who never got to make an informed choice. Community consensus has grown correspondingly clear: the pressure deserves sympathy, but concealment is not an answer; informed consent is the line (see pianhun).

Register note: standard in community and media Chinese; not derogatory, but it names real pain — treat actual people’s stories with respect, not as gossip material.

Common confusion: mixing it up with xinghun, the cooperative marriage where both sides know. The defining feature of a tongqi is precisely that she did not.